To a dear friend
August 24, 2008, feeling complacent.
Hey~ sorry about this morning (well, nighttime for you). I had some time to think about it, and well, I still can't really think of anything good to say. What I will say below is only my opinion, and I am not asking you to believe in it, but it's all that I can think of. Oh, and as a warning, it might be a bit influenced by Buddhist thought since I'm hearing/reading quite a bit with Buddhist influence (my parents are Buddhist), but don't worry, I'm not asking you to go worship Buddha or anything LOL (Buddhism doesn't have a God anyway). Oh, and some parts are in Chinese, because sometimes I feel that writing in Chinese just works better (largely affected I think, by having just finished a romance novel in Chinese) but sorry about my poor command of the langauge! =P
It's a bit (very) long, so no rush to reply la~ And if there's anything that you dun understand, please feel free to email me la~ Ehm, and since it's so long, to summarise, motivations for you to stop being upset over him:
- It is better for him if you stop crying over this.
- Life is too precious; don't waste it on this.
- Don't let love turn to hate.
OK, so...
Do you love him? Let's assume that you do.
就算你問我 "愛是甚麼" 我也不知該怎麼回答. 我覺得我自己還沒有真正遇上愛, 所以我可能根本沒有資格 discuss love. 其實你比我更多資格 to talk about it, don't you think?
So I can only give you my opinion on this, and it is in no way, I believe, the only "right" opinion.
To me, 愛情最難受的並不是單戀, 而是不能為對方做到甚麼...or rather, to be an obstacle to his/her dreams. 可以話跟這期的 NANA (chapter77) 有點相似. 詩音 (Shion/Yasu's girlfriend), 她說她寧願聽她愛的人說 "thank you" rather than "I love you". But for me, I don't even want the "thank you"...just being able to be of use to the person I love is good enough for me (I think...who knows, when the time actually comes?). So you should be happy that you are not creating difficulties for him. Pray for his happiness and success, and help him (if you can...but don't push it...he may not like it)...假如他知你還設在那麼 upset over him, 而覺得這對你不公平的, 他可能會 feel uncomfortable (especially because you said he is a good person ma~). Wouldn't this make it harder for him? I am not asking you to stop loving him, becasue how can you do that? Please try to think that maybe if you were less sad, it would be better for him too.
既然你已經嘗試過但不能為自己而 stop crying, 不如你就嘗試為他而停吧? Is that a strong enough motivation for you to stop crying for him?
絕對不簡單, I know. But here's another way of looking at it: 其實愛也可以說是一種憧憬, a kind of desire. And, like all desires, if you cannot reach it, you feel down. It's special though, because this desire requires the will of the other person too. Like I said, I have not experienced love properly, so maybe this perception is too shallow. But aren't lovers are happiest when the person they love acts the way they want him/her to (<- another observation from NANA ♥)? 但是如果你是真正愛的, 那你怎麼可以逼對方 do whatever you want? That's why I think there is so much pain in love. Just like the JJ Lin song "愛有萬分之一甜". 你覺得世上有幾多愛情故事 (in real life) 是完美的? 我已經不再相信每個人都有一個 "perfect other". In other words, 假如你是公主也不一定有個王子; 現實不是童話故事嘛. 愛情非一定完美, 亦不是別定的. 既然是這樣子呢, 那為何愛 (between a man and a woman) 是那麼重要的? Hehe, personally, I suspect it's marketing or the underlying biological urges to reproduce =P 我不是說愛請 (between a man and a woman) 是不重要, 只是, 有可能 it's been exaggerated by people. Haha* 不過這不是一個未曾愛過的我有權批評的! Ummmn, how to say leh? 生命是很短的~~就像一瞬間的而已. 就算愛真的是最重要, 在生死之間也有許多其他該珍惜的 things. You are Christian, so you know how life should be treasured (just think of the probability of you not existing, and it's overwhelming!), and 我相信你回頭望是想看到一條 full and beautiful life, full of wonderful moments. Are you satisfied to spend too much time upset because of love? 再加上, 你條命始終都是你的; 我們大慨都獨來獨往. In the end, you will be the one who will ask yourself whether you have lived well or not. 你甘心為一個男人嘥那麼多時光嗎? 我究竟自己想要的都不知道是甚麼, 所以想去追求都不能, 只在蹉跎歲月. 但你不同嘛~ 你已經有一個 passion! 你已經那麼努力, 也經過多麼難關, you have come so far! 如果你現在想他太多而 neglect 你要做的事, 你對得起自己嗎?
I will emphasise again, I know nothing about love. It may, or may not be life's most important thing, but there is one thing. 不管你相信甚麼~~緣分，上世下世，Christianity, or whatever, 但是我想你也會同意 that to meet and get to know someone on this earth, in this life is almost as much as a miracle as being alive itself. Think about it, of all the combinations of DNA, etc. (lol, forgot all my biology), what are the chances of both you, me, and him, being born around the same time? Of the 6 billion-ish people on this earth, what are the chances of you meeting him? 所以，就算是遇上過而已，聊過一陣天而已，單戀過而已，關於他的經力都值珍惜．最重要的就是 prevent love from turning into hate. 因為愛很容易就可以變成恨 (like me and train guy...if that can be called love), 尤其是當你受蠻多苦的時候．Here, another motivation for you to cheer up about him: 若然他不是你得就不是你，那你若是在想他，為他苦哭，也不會讓他愛你吧．反而這種痛可以讓你恨他．是的．恨是比愛更易受，但是你難得可以遇上，愛上他，難道你真的想恨他嗎?
That's all I have to say...sorry if it's a bit confusing and sorry it's so late; I went out for nearly the whole day, and they are confusing ideas...plus typing in Chinese is hard =P Even though one day, I may look back at this and say "what a bunch of crap", I hope this helps to cheer you up, dear!
Listening to Playlist: 24樓~劉若英 & 楊坤, 好想好想~古巨基, 珊湖海~Jay Chou & Lara, 煙雨濛濛~趙薇. Reading The Cloud Atlas ~ Liam Callanan. Watching FLCL.
Filed under Journal.
Whisper or remember?
